Ins and Outs of gay dating... part 3

"Confessions from a video arcade booth"

For those of you that don't know what a "video arcade" is...  here is a brief description.  These places are disgusting... Married and gay men go there to view porn in this filthy boothes... In the boothes there are holes cut out that access the booth beside you... let your imagination run wild... anything you can imagine can happen in that hole!  And honey... everything but Alice has been in that hole!

This story goes waaaaaaaaaaay back to 1995.  I was in college and hanging out w/ a group of friends.  One couple, Jen and Tony, and Lisanne.  Tony didn't hang out with us too much... But Jen, Lisanne and I had some great times together.

On one occasion when Tony was going out with us, we all met up prior to going out, and we went to dinner...  We had so much fun that evening... but we could all sense some weirdness with Tony.  Couldn't quite put our finger on it... but knew something was off with him.

The next day we are hanging out at Lisanne's house, just sitting around, talking...  Lisanne looks and Jen and says, "I think Tony is gay and likes Steven!"  Jen and I started laughing... How could she think this?  He, at this point, gave us no clue that he was interested in me, or any men.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Jen took notice and studied Tony under a microscope... She investigated his every move.  She started putting 2 and 2 together and saw where Lisanne might think what she did about Tony.  Tony seemed to be way too caught up on himself, fashion, picking out and matching clothes for Jen, getting manicures and pedicures... but the icing on the cake, at this point... was a friend of his, Barry.  Tony was always going over to spend time with him, or going on day trips and such...

Lisanne had found out that Barry had recently come out.  Once she told Jen, she confronted Tony with the information. Tony simply stated that they went to school together and had always been friends... newsflash, they didn't go to the same school... (this doesn't mean they wouldn't know each other, but they didn't.)

A couple of weeks went by, and Tony started asking to hang out with me... alone... Um.. so.. yeah, I don't think so... but Jen asked if I would... for her, so she could have her "peace of mind".  I hesitantly agreed to do so.  So Tony invited me to go to Raleigh with him, and look at cars, and then he wanted to take me to his favorite restaurant... Olive Garden... barf!

Day of trip... I was so nervous... I didn't want to be in the car alone with this guy for the ride.  I had no idea what to talk about... how to start conversation...  Oh... How's your gay friend?  LOL  yeah, right... I'm sure that would have gone over well... So I just remained quiet until he said something.

Once in Raleigh, we went to the dealership and looked at this vehicle that he was interested in... Why we went ALL THE WAY to Raleigh, when they had the same vehicle in Greenville... I'll never know... I guess it was because he wanted Olive Garden... LOL

So we finished looking at cars... and Tony said he wanted to take me to another place he usually went when he came to Raleigh...  Ok, I didn't sign on for this... I signed up for car and dinner... and that's it... extra stops mean... someone owes me big time!  LOL  what was about to happen, is not what I mean by collecting either... UGH!

We pull into this sketchy parking lot that is half guarded by fencing...  there are quite a few cars here... The building is small and old looking, like a tiny doublewide trailer house.

Tony invited me in the building... I had no idea where we were, or what type of place we were in, until he opened the door... Naked posters and porn cases surrounded the entrance... and as we continued in, we entered a room filled with dildos vibrators and enough toys to make a nymph's head explode!  I looked at Tony with a most disapproving look, and asked, what kind of place is this, and why did you bring me here?  He said, "It's special and I wanted to show you a good time"  Um... yeah, what I was about to see... was not a good time, at all... and scarred me for a while.

Tony escorted me to the back section of the building... very dark and even more sketchy than the parking lot.  You could barely see where to walk.  Tony opened a "booth" door for me, and there was a glowing light, from a tv... he handed me some coins, and said, put these in the machine and watch.  I didn't know any better at the time... so shut the door, popped a coin in, and BAM!  Instant porn.  I was so embarrassed.   I could feel my face turning all shades of red, when out of know where, a PENIS popped through a hole in the wall beside me.  I wanted to scream, but threw the door open, and stormed out of the building, back into the parking lot.  Several minutes, maybe 20-30, Tony finally came back out... I guess he knew what to do when the penis came thru the hole, or he had put his in the hole of another "booth".

So back in the car... I can still feel the heat on my face, from the embarrassment... and I say absolutely nothing... Tony asks, "where did you want to eat?"  What?  I thought you brought me up to Raleigh to see a car, and eat at Olive Garden.... not to see cars, have dick shoved in my face as some nasty place, and then be asked where I want to eat... So I responded, "I don't care..."  And he pulled into the Burger King parking lot... WTF?

Upon our return to Greenville... Lisanne and Jen both had a hard time believing the story, but when I gave them the name of the place we went... they called for themselves... Jen finally broke up w/ Tony, and Tony still lives a lie... dating a "man" who is really a woman, but he tells different people different things...

Ins and Outs of gay dating... part 2

Dates and the married man...

Quite a few years ago, I found myself going out w/ an older gentleman... I was, at the time, 24/25ish... and he was 40-something.  Very nice gentleman, but seemed to be very nervous when he asked me out, and also on our first date.

Our first date was dinner together, then walking around talking, getting to know each other... pretty straight forward and simple date.  Nice guy.  

Second date... pretty much the same thing... w/ the shocking reveal!  Steven, I have something very important to tell you... This man is sweating bullets... Ok?!  What is it that you have to tell me?

Well... it's hard to put into words... Um, Ok... you're...... JUST SPILL IT!  

So after a few minutes of awkwardness... he takes a deep breath and spilled his like like an overflowing glass... The words that came were pretty devastating.  

He started off by saying that he was sorry for what he was about to say.  He went on to say that he was married, and hadn't been happy for a long time... So this is why you are preying on a young gay man?  My thought as he's talking... and he continues to tell me that he is leaving her, to be with me.  Yeah, right!  (not out loud of course)  He was falling for me... dude, this is our second date... really?  I love you... not!  I barely know you.

Story completed, and I'm sitting there, thoughts racing through my head... first being, how the hell do i get out of here now?  HE DROVE!  ACK!  Also thinking... he knows where I live since he picked me up, and has my phone #'s... Dammit!  I have to move and get new numbers!  lol  not really... but after not answering or returning his phone calls, he did stop by my home a few times and knock... the last time, leaving a brief note... 

Steven, 

Wishing things could be in a better place for me.  I apologizing for not being up front with you about my situation and dropping that on you at dinner.  If you could please find it in your heart to forgive me, and please contact me.

Regards...

Married man (did you think i was going to put his name?  lol)

I felt weird receiving the note... but never contacted him back.

Now that I've recently relocated back to Raleigh... He found me on a chat site that I get on, and sent me a message inquiring if I was Steven... I acknowledge that I was in fact Steven... and wanted to know who he was.  When he revealed who he was, my stomach flipped... ACK!  why did I respond?  lol  

I didn't even recognize him... he had aged quite a bit... guess it was from the messy divorce, that he finally got FIVE years later... (Steven is thankful to not have pursued this gentleman. As a Glen Close moment flashed in my head... and my pet being boiled!)  I exchanged a few pleasantries with him, and wished him the best of luck... and response from him... Would you like to go out sometime?

No thanks!

the ins and outs of gay online dating... part 1

So, this idea just popped in my head after I got a message pop up on yahoo from a screen name I didn't recognize, but they were in my friend's list...

I casually say hello, and start the conversation by asking, i apologize, but I don't remember you, could you please tell me your name?  I get in reply... are you serious?  Well... no I'm not serious, I ask this question to all my friends on yahoo... Dumb ass... but I digress... I find out that it's the so and so that ditched me back in December... some of my friends know about this guy... I'll leave his name as simply, J.

So here is a little history about J.  J. and I had been hanging out for a couple of months... Seemed to be a nice fellow.  We met online... as it tends to be easier to meet someone online when you are not a fan of clubs/bars.  J. tends to forgets dates and times and meeting places... and i'll elaborate...

First off, J. would always call last minute to reschedule or cancel... or let me know he was running late... I kind of got used to it.  However, on the night of Dec. 18th, which marked 2 months for us hanging out/ "dating" (and i use dating as LOOSELY as i possibly can).

Well, on that day, we had made plans to have breakfast... i hear nothing from him until 1:30 pm... clearly after breakfast time...  so during the course of our 1:30 conversation... he states that he's hungry and wants lunch... asked if i'd like to meet him at a sandwich shop.  i agreed, and asked him which one... he named the place, but then said... "i think i need a nap."  WHAT?  ok... so you supposedly just woke up... ahem, and you need a nap?  Did i just fall off the turnip truck?  or did i clearly miss something?  So i was like... how long are you going to nap?  he states, he's going to set his alarm for 3:30... OK... that's TWO HOURS from now... so me, being that WAY TOO nice guy that i am... said, ok... so why don't we meet for a late lunch and then go to a movie at 6:30 since you wanted to see Burlesque.  Ok, that's great, he says...

at precisely 3:22, my phone rings, and guess who... (you're so smart) it was J.  and to my "surprise" asked if he could just meet me at the movie theater at 6:30.  i agreed and didn't really protest, as at this point... i was just getting really irritated.

So... here it is... 6:25 on Saturday night, December 18th, at Southpoint Mall in Durham... it's cold and snowing... I'm waiting on the elusive J.  6:45 rolls around... movie, well previews, have started, and i'm still standing out in the freaking cold... alone.  no sign of, or call from J... I did give him benefit of the doubt b/c of weather.  so i bought my ticket and went in...  7:10, phone vibrates in pocket... i ignore... 7:15... vibrates again.  i take phone out of pocket and check, and see i have 2 texts from J... hey... where are we supposed to meet?   UM? WHAT?!   We had a set time and place to meet... how could you forget in the 3 hours that have just passed... Enraged, I storm out of the theater, tears are flowing at this point because i'm just so pissed.  i exit the theater and call J.  he answers, and immediately i'm yelling in the phone... "what do you mean, where are we supposed to meet, and what time? did you forget since we talked 3 hours ago?"  silence... i asked... "tell me where you are now?"  oh boy, was not expecting the response that i got... "i'm having dinner w/ some friends"  so J... after you spoke w/ me at 3:30 this afternoon, you made plans w/ other people to have dinner... or you already had these plans and didn't want to tell me...  you are a moron... have a good evening i say to him and i hang up the phone.  he called back, but i didn't answer. 

9:20... the doorbell rings at the house.  it's him.  i say to him, "you really shouldn't be here."  he said that he wanted to apologize and talk about it.  i sat, and said absolutely nothing to him... until a few minutes passed and said, "J. there is really nothing to talk about, or apologize for.  you did wrong, you know it, so deal with it."  he leaves...

Sunday morning, i awake to a phone call, from, you guessed it... J.  LOL

As you know, i had posted on my FB page about debating whether or not to give someone a gift or take it back... well this is the idiot.

So i answered the phone... why, i don't know... just being nice i suppose.  you all laugh... b/c you know i can be a real bitch... but i do try to be a nice guy.  so J. asks if i want to have breakfast... and i thought long and hard about it... and i thought back to the responses i got on FB about that post... so i told him that I would meet him.  10:00, if he didn't show then never contact me again... he called me about 9:50, informing me that he was running late... BIG SURPRISE!  and i said that... LOL  see bitchy me.  ;-)
So he gets to the cafe, and we sit... and i'm pretty quiet, and only saying what i really need to or have to say to respond to him... it's very uncomfortable, and he can sense that... so he kind of wrapped things up.  We leave the cafe, and head to our cars... i told him i had his xmas gift... and he said, "i didn't get you anything"  well duh, because you are a self centered asshole!  i responded, "well, that's not the point... it's xmas, the season of giving"... so i handed him his gift... he opened it.. and loved it.  the sweater he had been eyeing at Express.  "I LOVE IT!", he exclaims... and i reply, "well J., this is your parting gift... because you just lost the grand prize!"  he didn't know what to say... i told him, please don't contact me anymore... call, text or anything... i have nothing to say to him, nor do i want to see him.

xmas eve and new's year day... i get texts from him... and i never responded... until tonight, when the bastard blindsided me!  ACK!

This is a continual blog... I will be writing this one in installments...

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

The title... quote by Kahlil Gibran.  I came across some of his quotes recently, and they have had a pretty big impact on me.

Friday night was a real emotionally eye opening evening...  Read previous blog to find out why...

Since then, I have thought about a lot of things... and I have come to the conclusion, that I truly and happy with who I am...

I found the love of my life/soulmate back in 2005.  His name will remain unknown in my blogs, but those close to me, probably know who he is, though have not met him.

In 2008, March was the month, I went out to visit him, in Long Beach, CA, where he was living.
It started out as a great trip, and then slowly turned sour... We were fighting and bickering a lot.  Why was this happening?  It's like everything was against us.

The most dreadful and regretful moment was when I called him, a term I should never have used... It was said in a joking way, but my tone was not to that effect... and he did take it the wrong way, and I totally understand, and know why I should not say that.  That night, I left him and went to bed without saying good night, or anything... Huge regret.  The next morning, I lay in the bed, thinking, why I had said what I did, and if he could ever forgive me.  When he awoke, we talked about it, and he explained why it was so hurtful, and I vowed to never call him that, or use that term jokingly, again.

The next couple of days were somewhat tense, but good... On my next to last day with him, we went shopping in Costa Mesa.  We had gone into the Armani Xchange store, and were trying on hats.  I turned and asked him how he liked the one I had one, but he was gone.  Ok... stop!  I'm in a strange city, where I know absolutely no one!  I was in total panic.  Where did he go?  Was he ok?  Was he hurt?   So I sent him a text, and asked where he was, and was he ok.  I got back a simple reply... I'm ok, I just needed space.  I replied back to him, back to the car in 10 minutes, or find your own way home.  Then I thought about it... and I was in a mall, indoor mall, with ALL designer label stores!  Why was I leaving after just getting there?  So I spent the next couple of hours shopping around and clearing my head.

To back track in the story a little... I had some suspicions about why he was texting so much while I was there... He was in school at the time, on break, but had a big project due after the break.  So I figured that he was corresponding with fellow students.  Boy, was I wrong...  One morning we were going to meet some friends for breakfast, he was in the shower, and his phone went off.  I figured it was his friend calling about meeting, but I was completely wrong... When I opened the phone, a text message popped up, from another guy.  Very Graphic and Sexual in nature... I was floored.  So I looked back in the text history, and tons of messages from and to this guy, during my current time there.  I was so disappointed. My heart broke... How could you do this?  How could you let this person interfere with our time?  (Being 3000 miles apart, there was an arrangement, but it was to never interfere w/ our personal time together.)  

So with that being said... after I finished my shopping venture... I went out to the car, and he had been waiting out there in the heat while I was still in the mall.  He said nothing... We got in the car, and I looked at him... this was my breaking point.  I gave him the opportunity to come clean about texting the guy.  So I asked him, who have you been texting so much?  And he looked me dead in the eye and said, "this girl from school about the project..."  Everything I felt, trust, love and all, at that very moment... just flew out the window.  My true love and soul mate has just done the worst thing he could do... lie to me.  If I had been completely oblivious to things... maybe it wouldn't have been such a big deal... or if the incident w/ me calling him what I did... but this just kind of killed it all for me.

When I returned home, I called him one last time... and said words that I to this day regret... "consider my last visit... the last time that  you will ever see me."

Why, oh why would I say this?  To this day, it has remained true... however, we have patched our friendship, and are closer than ever.

Upon completion of his studies and degree, he had to return home, and hasn't been allowed back to our country.  He continues to apply to return to school, and hopefully will be able to.  We have made several reputable contacts for him, and they have all written letters of recommendations for him, at USC.

In essence, the blog is about true love... how it can be here one minute and gone the next.  I have never loved anyone like this person, and probably never will.  I hold this love, near and dear to my heart.  I long for the day that we will reunite.

You are forever in my heart.  "Galbi"

Mourning a love lost...

so tonight i met someone...  we had chatted before.  very sweet guy.  he is a flight attendant with delta.  he also has a partner, but is in an open relationship.  our intentions were to meet and hangout till it was time for him to go back to his hotel to go to bed... but as nature intervened... we ended up back at his hotel room.

i am not usually one to do things like this... but he made me feel really special.  while we were sitting at the dinner table, he said, steven, you're so sweet, cute and smart... you need someone to show you love.  i can tell that about you.  i see it in your eyes.

i wanted to cry right there... all my sadness almost came to surface that i've been trying to bury deep within.  all the thoughts of my ex came flooding back, and how i'll never see him again b/c of our stupid government and the embassy... why won't they approve his visa application already... 

thoughts of guys that tell me they are into me, and want to meet me, but then stand me up... leave me sitting alone in a cafe, looking like a fool... or you give me false information about you... why can't you grow up and be a real man... if you aren't into me... then just don't bother with me.  don't play with my emotions.  i am already fragile enough... or do you sense that, and  you try to break me down ever further...

thoughts of wanting to take my own life because i feel worthless and unloved... ugly, and that no one will ever love me.

Even after hearing those words from his mouth tonight, and him showing me a special time... why do i still feel so sad?  

I've engaged in acts with a man that is in an open relationship... he told his partner that he was meeting me... they are open about these things.  he made me feel so special... for that brief time... i feel special and wanted, but i don't feel loved.  why can't i meet someone like that... he wanted to show me the love that i need, but he can't.  only for this brief time.

now my emotions are all out of whack... why is this so hard?  why can't love be easy?  i always say that one day... i know i'm going to meet someone, and it will be right...  but deep down, i fear that, "the one" has already come and gone... and i will remain alone for the remainder of my life.

i know as you are reading this, you are thinking... steven, you are loved, you have great friends... and i do.  i love my friends dearly... but they can't give me the kind of love that i so long to have.  you're also thinking that it will happen for me one day... that i'm such a nice guy...

i am a nice guy, though i have my moments, but the nice guy... it's all a front.  i sit at home and i mourn a love lost.