The title... quote by Kahlil Gibran. I came across some of his quotes recently, and they have had a pretty big impact on me.
Friday night was a real emotionally eye opening evening... Read previous blog to find out why...
Since then, I have thought about a lot of things... and I have come to the conclusion, that I truly and happy with who I am...
I found the love of my life/soulmate back in 2005. His name will remain unknown in my blogs, but those close to me, probably know who he is, though have not met him.
In 2008, March was the month, I went out to visit him, in Long Beach, CA, where he was living.
It started out as a great trip, and then slowly turned sour... We were fighting and bickering a lot. Why was this happening? It's like everything was against us.
The most dreadful and regretful moment was when I called him, a term I should never have used... It was said in a joking way, but my tone was not to that effect... and he did take it the wrong way, and I totally understand, and know why I should not say that. That night, I left him and went to bed without saying good night, or anything... Huge regret. The next morning, I lay in the bed, thinking, why I had said what I did, and if he could ever forgive me. When he awoke, we talked about it, and he explained why it was so hurtful, and I vowed to never call him that, or use that term jokingly, again.
The next couple of days were somewhat tense, but good... On my next to last day with him, we went shopping in Costa Mesa. We had gone into the Armani Xchange store, and were trying on hats. I turned and asked him how he liked the one I had one, but he was gone. Ok... stop! I'm in a strange city, where I know absolutely no one! I was in total panic. Where did he go? Was he ok? Was he hurt? So I sent him a text, and asked where he was, and was he ok. I got back a simple reply... I'm ok, I just needed space. I replied back to him, back to the car in 10 minutes, or find your own way home. Then I thought about it... and I was in a mall, indoor mall, with ALL designer label stores! Why was I leaving after just getting there? So I spent the next couple of hours shopping around and clearing my head.
To back track in the story a little... I had some suspicions about why he was texting so much while I was there... He was in school at the time, on break, but had a big project due after the break. So I figured that he was corresponding with fellow students. Boy, was I wrong... One morning we were going to meet some friends for breakfast, he was in the shower, and his phone went off. I figured it was his friend calling about meeting, but I was completely wrong... When I opened the phone, a text message popped up, from another guy. Very Graphic and Sexual in nature... I was floored. So I looked back in the text history, and tons of messages from and to this guy, during my current time there. I was so disappointed. My heart broke... How could you do this? How could you let this person interfere with our time? (Being 3000 miles apart, there was an arrangement, but it was to never interfere w/ our personal time together.)
So with that being said... after I finished my shopping venture... I went out to the car, and he had been waiting out there in the heat while I was still in the mall. He said nothing... We got in the car, and I looked at him... this was my breaking point. I gave him the opportunity to come clean about texting the guy. So I asked him, who have you been texting so much? And he looked me dead in the eye and said, "this girl from school about the project..." Everything I felt, trust, love and all, at that very moment... just flew out the window. My true love and soul mate has just done the worst thing he could do... lie to me. If I had been completely oblivious to things... maybe it wouldn't have been such a big deal... or if the incident w/ me calling him what I did... but this just kind of killed it all for me.
When I returned home, I called him one last time... and said words that I to this day regret... "consider my last visit... the last time that you will ever see me."
Why, oh why would I say this? To this day, it has remained true... however, we have patched our friendship, and are closer than ever.
Upon completion of his studies and degree, he had to return home, and hasn't been allowed back to our country. He continues to apply to return to school, and hopefully will be able to. We have made several reputable contacts for him, and they have all written letters of recommendations for him, at USC.
In essence, the blog is about true love... how it can be here one minute and gone the next. I have never loved anyone like this person, and probably never will. I hold this love, near and dear to my heart. I long for the day that we will reunite.
You are forever in my heart. "Galbi"
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